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Lindsey Kuper

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Done, bitches! [Mar. 2nd, 2011|08:06 pm]
Lindsey Kuper

On Plans, the wonderful, janky, unofficial social networking website of my undergrad school, a tradition of writing to-do lists has emerged over the last few years, spearheaded by my friend Rachel. The catch, and the part that Rachel pioneered, is this: You don't just write a to-do list. You write a done, bitches list.

What is a done, bitches list? As far as I can tell, it's kind of like a to-do list, except that (a) it's written with as much vulgarity as possible, and (b) completed items are marked off by writing "done, bitches" or similar.

I've never been entirely comfortable with the name. Who are these supposed "bitches"? Other people on Plans? Mysterious bogeymen who are out to sabotage my ability to accomplish a list of tasks? I don't like referring to the first group that way, and I don't believe in the existence of the latter. I asked about this on Plans, and my friend Shelly said that she took it to mean the haters. "Except," she said, "yours would be totally non-existent because you're objectively awesome." Aw, thanks!

Someone else wrote, "I like to think of the collective "bitches" as "people" (in which case you have to mentally remove the negative connotations), as in, "Let's go to happy hour, bitches!" These are people who celebrate you, celebrate with you, and are completely supportive when you get shit done." Well, I like the sound of that. I'm still not wild about the word, but it has a certain ring to it that other words just can't replace. Why else would Bitch have chosen it as the title of their magazine?

Anyway, because Alex oniugnip and I are leaving for Barcelona tomorrow, I had a lot to get done today -- so much to get done that the occasion called for making my first ever Done, Bitches list on Plans. I got lots of cheering and encouragement from veterans of the Done, Bitches school of time management, and I have to say that that helped me get through the list. In fact, it helped so much that I'm daring to make my list public, in hopes that someone else will try the Done, Bitches technique and benefit from it. Here's what I ended up with at the end of the day:

  • Print and put up like 30 goddamn flyers: PRINTED AND POSTED, BITCHES
  • Read over long-ass wedding venue rental contract and email wedding venue contact person about stuff: TOTALLY DONE BEFORE 8:30AM, BITCHES
  • Drop off the goddamn rent check: DONE, BITCHES
  • Plane tickets to the motherfucking Bay Area for Alex and me: PURCHASED
  • Do the fucking "composability" part of the proof I'm working on: HARD PART'S OVER, BITCHES
  • Do some goddamn work on the "bridge lemma" part of the proof: STARTED IT
  • Send badass status report email to my advisor: BAM, SENT THAT FUCKER
  • Call the motherfucking bank: DONE, BITCHES
  • Make a motherfucking awesome dinner, using up as many perishable items as humanly fucking possible: DONE AND DONE
  • Go for a motherfucking run
  • Pack a fucking suitcase for fucking Barcelona (damn!)

Fuck yeah! Nine of eleven items done, bitches! The last two I'm putting off until tomorrow, since tomorrow I'm getting up at four in the motherfucking morning anyway as a way of forcing myself onto Barcelona time, so I need to go the fuck to bed.


From: simrob
2011-03-03 01:40 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: tim.dreamwidth.org
2011-03-03 04:14 am (UTC)
I concur with your hesitation about the use of the term "bitches", yet I also fucking approve of this list format.
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[User Picture]From: lindseykuper
2011-03-03 07:08 pm (UTC)
I've got Gotham Central with me! I'm enjoying it a lot; thanks! It's like Law & Order plus Batman.
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[User Picture]From: sonetka
2011-03-03 05:34 am (UTC)
I've never had a "Done, bitches!" list for the same reason - who are the bitches? Am I proving myself to some invisible, disapproving audience? But I couldn't really think of a snappy-sounding equivalent. "Done, everyone!" "Done, by George!" "Great Caesar's Ghost, I'm done!" "It is finished!" Nothing quite works.

And massive congrats on getting all of that done! Alas that I cannot stow in your suitcase on the way to Barcelona :). Looking forward to seeing the pictures.

/My post is DONE, by gum!
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[User Picture]From: lindseykuper
2011-03-03 05:07 pm (UTC)
Someone else suggested "Done, fools!", but that doesn't quite work either. Arguably the bitches, whoever they are, are your friends and it's a term of endearment. "Done, baby!" is actually not far off the mark.
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[User Picture]From: tornadogrrrl
2011-03-04 11:17 pm (UTC)
This made me laugh out loud.
Perhaps the problematic "bitches" could be replaced by some kind of "Fuck Yeah!" type exclamation?
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[User Picture]From: empty_fork
2011-03-06 12:02 am (UTC)
Wedding venue rental contract, hm? Did I miss the post where you explained to your bitches about that?
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[User Picture]From: lindseykuper
2011-03-06 02:35 pm (UTC)
Well, I haven't explained anything about the venue or the contract, but maybe you missed this announcement?
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[User Picture]From: empty_fork
2011-03-06 03:20 pm (UTC)
No, see, I did not, but a wedding venue rental contract sounds a lot like the kind of thing you use when you've decided very firmly on a date. And a place.
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[User Picture]From: lindseykuper
2011-03-06 09:34 pm (UTC)
Ah! Yes, indeed. There hasn't been a public announcement yet, although there will be very soon.
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[User Picture]From: leadsynth
2011-03-11 04:30 pm (UTC)
See, this is an excellent use of profantity. The DONE, BITCHES list is a celebration, and peppering the list with extra f-bombs and goddamns and one last "(damn!)" to punctate the suitcase, makes it hilarious.

On the use of the b-word: Some of my favorite books are "Why Men Love Bitches" and its sequels. The author, Sherry Argov, wrote a preface explaining how she defines a bitch: a woman with self-respect, who doesn't obsess over someone else's approval, and won't compromise her values to please a man or anyone else. Argov makes a point of explaining that a "bitch" is NICE, not cruel or mean-spirited, but strong and independent. The title is meant to sell books, but it basically implies that if you respect yourself, and don't bend over backwards to make a guy happy, the guy will respect YOU more (and end up happier anyway, if he is a guy who respects strong women and therefore worth spending time with). Anyhow, just had to give a shout-out to the books. They have been my bible for a couple years now.
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[User Picture]From: lindseykuper
2011-03-13 08:21 pm (UTC)
This turns out to be one of the more popular posts I've ever made. All these people clicked "like" on it in Google Reader. If I had known that all the fuck I had to do to be popular was swear more, I would've fucking started fucking sooner.
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