Hate faucets

"You're so nice!"
"I don't know, man. How do you know there's not rage within? With me, it's just a matter of, you know, holding back the stream of hate."
"I don't believe you."
"No, really. It's not a highly pressurized stream of hate, but, you know, it's a faucet. It's turned off most of the time. I turn it on, the hate comes out. I'm not like, for instance, Paul. Paul is actually nice. If Paul turned on his hate faucet, nothing would come out."
"...That's a really kind and beautiful thing to say about someone."
"Goddammit. I can't even talk about my hate faucet without you telling me I'm nice."