I was just looking at an old version of my resume. It says:
Most relevant programming and computer languages: C, Java, Scheme, SQL, PHP, Flash ActionScript
I think that what I was trying to say there was "Of the languages I've used, here are the ones that are most relevant to the jobs for which I'm hoping you might interview me." Which, you know, still laughable, but not completely mortifying.
But reading it now, it totally comes across as, "I know most of the relevant programming languages, but in case you don't know which the relevant ones are, here's a helpful list!" Which...oh, man, I can't even...I mean...damn.
That's the worst part, but except for maybe the bits about school, the rest of the resume is utterly cringe-inducing, too. I keep reading it and thinking, "Augh! Shut UP." What was I thinking?! If I were trying to hire and someone sent me this, I would think, "This person is an absolute tool."