It just hasn't been working out, for a lot of reasons. For one thing, I don't have time for training because freelance work keeps finding me, and, fool that I am, I keep agreeing to do it. For another, it's going to be right before I move, and you're not supposed to run marathons during periods of high stress or upheaval -- not to mention the fact that since I'm not in town for too much longer, I'd really like to spend what time I have left with people I care about, not out running on the lakefill by myself. Most of all, I've been finding that for me, training for a marathon in the summer is much harder than training for one in the winter. Winter running was exhilarating and fun, but summer running leaves me dehydrated, sunburned, and heat-exhausted. So yeah. No TCM. I think that from now on I'll be sticking to one a year, and in the spring.
I always figured I was doing this solely for me, but now that I'm not actually doing it anymore, I'm realizing that there's a whole network of people beyond myself whom I am letting down. I'm letting down Molly voolala because we said we'd do it together. I'm letting down my mom because she was going to come watch me run. (She didn't come to my first two.) And I was going to stay with Nate and Ang while I was up there for the race, and I'm worried that the fact that I'm no longer coming will make them think that I am Not Okay, or Making Bad Choices or something.
This is going to be so much better, though, you guys. I'm already a lot happier because of all the extra time that not having to run affords me; I got to spend this whole long weekend hanging out with old friends and meeting some great new people too -- so many I can't even list them all for fear I'll leave someone out. (I do have to point out, though, that at one party I met someone who thought I was Maya for at least the first half-hour we were speaking to each other. That was weird.) I'm also more caught up on the news than I've been in a long time, if only because I can't stop reading about Katrina.